Thinking of You

Shanta Acharya

 

Every day I spend some time alone
thinking of you, our relationship,
and wonder why you never
keep in touch or drop in. I try
to remember your limitless love,
but cannot recall when, where
or how I learnt of it. I no longer cry
as I mend the rules,
it’s difficult to live without any.

Even that seems like small consolation
to someone who expects so much from you.

Do you want me to list the things I’ve done,
those I should’ve done, and others I cannot
recall. I will not mention the things
you keep to yourself because that is your way.

I have known how easily lives are ruined.
I’ve tried to save myself from the sins of the world,
not successfully, I admit. I’ve seen the death
of many a decent thing, have seen crimes
and retributions worse, spent many lifetimes
thinking about this, have filled
my mind with half-truths and lies,
read confessions which are complete fabrications,
seen people rewarded handsomely for deceit.

I know human beings are willing to do anything,
heard some say they find it liberating –
the lying, thieving, sucking up to power,
giving in to greed and fear, fighting, raping, killing.
Can’t say I’ve found myself in this charnel pit.

I’ve not given up on the possibility of love,
of knowing another, learning about my vulnerability.
Nor have I given up on you, my longing shining like the sun
for no reason except for the inalienable joy of being.

 

 

Shanta Acharya DPhil (Oxon) is the author of ten books, including five volumes of poetry, three books on finance, a critical assessment of the Indian influence on the work of Ralph Waldo Emerson. A World Elsewhere, her first novel, was recently published to critical acclaim. An internationally published poet, critic, reviewer and scholar, she has twice served on the board of trustees of the Poetry Society in the UK. Her poems figure in major anthologies such as Language for a New Century: Contemporary Poetry from the Middle East, Asia & Beyond (W.W. Norton), The Bloodaxe Book of Contemporary Indian Poets, and The HarperCollins Book of English Poetry. Her New & Selected Poems is due for publication in 2016.