Woman

P C K Prem

 

1 Woman as a reason

He did not tell a lone solid reason
of getting married,
questions appeared stalking like a colossus,
on the empty region
of a mystified psyche,
as he avowed and nursed
many wrong reasons.

He married but did not really appreciate
the virtue of being alone,
the quality of silence,
and wanted a woman
but did not know why.

He also did not figure out the nature of woman,
he wanted to share thoughts and emotions,
realized intensity of void oxidizing intellect,
but did not know the illusive fulfillment.

He wanted to grow up with the woman,
wished to flee from a crowd
of aged natives,
who wanted life’s noise, and proved stressing.

Once he told marriage is an infatuation,
a soothing silence, a mania of white moon,
like the twinkle of stars far away.

He thought she was lyric, flowing clear water
of a hill stream whose origin he did not know.

Someone told a wife was warmth unspoken,
a feeling enigmatic,
but assuring and caring,
and to live with a woman was like feelings
of a lake in a desert.

2 Cheers with a woman and the crush

Happy he was that he was married to a woman
who, he did not know,
and he failed to forward a reason
why he married,
and he did not know the meaning of woman
but she gave him joy.

Persistent questions did not drive him anywhere,
but he was a lost man
as he sheepishly looked up
and tried to count the stars in the clear sunny day
and laughed and laughed.

Many wanted to reach over and wished to feel
for a pulse of love they did not know
he carried or not.

3 Even concord with a woman is a myth

He often thought marriage was a mystery
in union,
a blending of strange mixture of passions,
gentle pleadings and warm feelings,
he never said but anyone could understand,
what he wanted to say but never said
or could never say possibly.

He was shy like a timid lasso
un-initiated into the art of love
when he was with the woman
he told
he was empty and felt
as if a huge void
dark and deep would swallow him
for she was an insatiable eater
when he was
with the woman and was a complete novice,
a dunce when her nimble fingers reached him
slowly and firmly with a hesitant sensation.

4 In a fairy land of dreamy void

He was flying high but could not touch her
she pulled him
but he did not see anything,
it was a struggle with a non person
who wanted to share,
to participate in the joy of life,
and meaning beyond doubts,
and yet it was so unfathomable he did not know,
and up till now asserted
he was the lord of life
and woman invisible inside him,
for it was unearthing of a terminal love feeling
he failed to explain.

5 Living with failed love and passions 

He continued to live with the strange woman,
a passport to feelings,
to sharing of experiences he never wanted
and so…
he heard her throughout in the bed,
in the kitchen,
in each room and in dreams,
in walks
and in loneliness and silent walls,
and she was a constant friend
a friend, who created a crowd,
and thus far he lived alone
it was a lifelong journey and he felt bored.
Still did not know reasons
why he wanted a woman
and how is it that the woman lived in him,
narrowly escaped a conclusion
that he lived in a void
experienced a massive loneliness choking him
to slow death.

6 When cut off living haunts

He moves about in the house, in the kitchen,
and courtyard as windows and doors open
and goes around in the orchard,
and waters plants
and suddenly, realizes he is unfilled
and alone
and feels a dreadful remoteness
for she is not in the house, not with relations
and he moves on…
she is gone, gone forever and he knows,
she will not come back.
He was alone when she was with him
and in him with loving care
but he felt bored,
and morbid thoughts continued to assail
and now after years, when she is nowhere
he again feels alone, stressed and spiritless,
and says, he knows the meaning
of love and marriage,
and woman,
and heaves a deep sigh as tears trickle down.

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P C K Prem (P C Katoch of Garh-Malkher, Palampur, Himachal, a former Academician, Civil Servant and Member PSC HP, Shimla), an author of more than sixty books (English and Hindi) is a Poet, Novelist, Short Story Writer and a Critic in English and Hindi from Himachal, India.